Chris Ryan

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Bethan:
" there's hardly any cover to ahem hide behind when you hear the call of nature "

LOL !! In Holland we have the ' Plastuit' (P-mate), that is...........nah....... I'm not even gonna explain, check it out on
http://www.p-mate.com/ned/intro.html
(way to the right click on English)

Little cartoon - because the guys thought they should have something 'new' too:

http://www.funpower.nl/cartoons/pages/
opvolger%20plastuit.htm
(loose return)

>>By Lynn   (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 14:53)



BFBS MTV...

CR : "Welcome to my SAS Crib...down here on Millionaire's Row..."
(could it be 'near' the place Yukio Kagayama stayed in the summer thinks bg...must stop thinkin' aloud...)
CR : "Come through to the main living area"

...a vast space with so many houseplants it may as well be Borneo...just visible through the foliage are framed anecdotes (Friendly fire isn't...and...Incoming fire has the right of way) and a collection of toenails that have abandoned their owner in times of conflict...

CR : "I've got a great music system here...listen"
He puts on Kylie's latest and starts doing a passable impression of a podium dancer, belting the song out at full volume all the while
...slow down and dance with me...yeah...slow...skip a beat and move with my body...yeah...slow...
CR : "I'm gonna try and make it big in Ayia Napa next season..."

Beth storms in
B : "Cut it out Chris...commercial plans are covert..." and turning to the director..."you can edit that bit out right?"

CR looks sheepish
CR : "OK...let's go into the kitchen..."
...gleaming stainless steel apliances, polished granite work surfaces, chrome gadgets...
CR : "You guys like to look in people's fridges, right? Take a look in this baby..."
...fridge door swings open to reveal...jeez...you guessed it already!!

CR : "We'll go upstairs now..."
...passing the study where Beth is hard at work...
CR blows a kiss at her
CR : "Hey babe...what are you doing?"
B : "I'm working on a new product...SlamFist...for use on those who would mock you..."
CR : "Sounds great babe...it's a good job I have you washing my back..."
B : "Watching..."

CR leads us upstairs...to the bedroom
CR : "This is where the magic happens..." <wink>
...camouflage netting abounds...blacked-out windows
CR : "I like to put on a little mood music..."
...'Sounds Of The SA80'S'...'Air On A GPMG String'...all the usual favourites
CR : "These doors lead out onto the sun terrace...we can watch the booties from here..."

Beth walks in
B : "We're gonna have to wrap it up there I'm afraid...Chris has got an afternoon of interviews to promote his new TV series...Hunting The Perfect Hunter Force (so they can do a decent job in the next series)..."

We leave CR and Beth at the door, waving goodbye to us...


*******
Next week...in a slight departure...the Simple As Science team bring you...
Extraction of fats from SlimFast followed by the processes of hydrolysis and nitration to make...ummmm...what was it again?

>>By bikergirl   (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 18:13)



Hey babes, how about some C4 recipe?

>>By borisette   (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 22:46)



I always knew he'd be a kylie man!

CR : "I like to put on a little mood music..."
...'Sounds Of The SA80'S'...'Air On A GPMG String'...all the usual favourites

This could start a new trend on this board - military inspired music.

>>By Bethan   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 10:24)



Alright a friend pointed this one out to me, but have a look at Ken Taylor on this website doesn't he look familiar? You'll have to scroll down to find him.

http://www.wcistudios.com/bookings/
index.bookings.htm

Anyone else think he looks like the ex-navy seal?

>>By Bethan   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 10:40)



It IS Kenny...the one with the flippers...no doubt looking for Nemo in a Honduran lagoon...

The website says..."The camera exposes acting as fraud."
So...was he for real or did the BBC dupe us?

Excellent intel Beth...

>>By bikergirl   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 12:50)



Where did you read that bikergirl? But yeah it makes you think doesn't it. If they were actors then it explains why it looked so easy to get away from them. Mr Ryan hang your head in shame, sir.

>>By Bethan   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 15:30)



I can't find that bit.

>>By Bethan   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 15:32)



Well I be darned, that IS an actor indeed
Shame on you mr Ryan, go and bury yourself under the ground. YOU'VE BEEN RTU'D indeed!
Tzzzzzzz.

>>By borisette   (Thursday, 20 Nov 2003 18:07)



All actor-fraud aside here's Mr Ryan as we love him best Mr Commercial Soldier!! Can you guess the show? Ten points to the winner.

CHRIS RYAN'S CELEBRITY SAS READY STEADY SCAVENGE

CR "Hello and welcome to this weeks celebrity sas ready steady scavenge with me, Chris Ryan, the one that always gets away. My guests this week are…….in the Grey Man team Eddie Stone, ex-SAS staff sergeant and SAS are you tough enough master and …..in the moustached team Mac the moustached one from the Survival Secrets Show (with both his legs!)"
ES "Hello"
M "Hi"
CR "This weeks contestants had two hours to scavenge what they could from the environment and prepare it into a tasty and nutricious hard routine dinner. They have the option of swapping some of their goodies for a slim fast lucky dip. How have you done chaps?"
ES "I have roast chicken, roasties, beans and pavlova for afters"
CR "A well balanced meal Eddie that's good work"
M "What? How did you scavenge that?"
ES "Well I went up to the farmhouse threatened them with my gun and took their dinner. Simple and pure soldiering genius"
M "That's cheating, you can't allow that Chris"
CR consults his handy pocket sized SAS rule book
CR "There's nothing in here that says you can't do that, your turn Mac"
M "Bugger. Well I have a couple of dandelions, some river water and a handful of moss. That's enough to keep you going to a day or two, I think I'd better swap Chris"
CR "Mac chooses Swwwwaaaaapppp. Stick your hand in there laddie"
Mac looks uncertainly into the dark bag before sticking his hand in and groping around.
M "Oh FFS, an empty can of slim fast shake, how am I going to win with that?"
CR "Hmm, sorry that was me, couldn't resist"
ES <laughs> "Sucker!"
CR "Well ladies and gentleman who will it be? Grey man with his delicious dinner or moustache man with a handful of leaves and empty slim fast can, please hold up your cards now"
CR looks around the audience.
CR "It looks to me like Grrrrreeeeeeeeeeyyyyy Maaaaannnnn"
M "What? He can't win, he stole that, not scavenged it, that is so cheating and I am so not happy"
ES "Ach what are you going to do?"

Will Mac get his revenge? Is Chris Ryan new daytime TV host material? How many other shows can he appear in (bikergirl can you resist ha ha)? Will I ever stop asking pointless questions? Nah……

>>By Bethan   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 10:28)



I did have a quick look for a piccie for you guys that may not have seen the bbc2 series (any of them!) couldn't find one. So you'll have to go without. However I did find a man after my own heart!

The full thing is on www.northern-scot.co.uk/tv.asp?storyvar=54

But here are my favourite quotes:

"Taciturn Eddie appeared to be well up to speed when it came to setting up observation posts and bumping off generals, but it seemed to me as if it was quite some time since he had gone several weeks without a hot meal."

"Eddie’s explosives expert, known as Mac, sported a Zapata moustache that would have afforded reasonable concealment to an entire platoon, but would have served as camouflage only if Mac had been appearing in a spaghetti western."

>>By Bethan   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 10:50)



Thought it prudent not to post the following on the Andy McNab board, due to possble black is white aggro...

A little fun game for you to fill the void until the AM/thisislondon transcript hits the other board, though someone backstage did say it was not so much a live chat as a censored question time - no random mix 'n' pick, more a case of selected flavours... ;o)

Fortunes by Letters: First off write down your assumed name (if you have one) because this is the person you make for yourself. Also, it reflects what you will have become - your inner psyche. You will then be able to place the relevant numbers beside or below your *name letters*. All you have to do is add them together until you reach a single figure: You can then check out your favourite author/movie star etc., and reveal his/her true personality.
example: William Bateson
6133114 21 - 2145375 Total 46=10=1

1=A / I /Q / J / Y
2=B / K / R
3=C / G / L / S
4=D / M / T
5=E / H /N
6=U / V / W / X
7=O / Z
8=F / P

According to: Man Myth & Magic...
1. You lead, pioneer, powerful, positive and dominating person, forceful, aggressive and ambitious. You are prone to violent temper tantrums and have no scruples if opposed.

2. -an evil female number (2 is the number of the devil)- has all the opposite characteristics. You make good subordinates, obedient, quiet, helpful,modest, and self-effacing. Sympathetic, over-sensitive, easily depressed and will resort to subtle, malicious, and deceitful cruelty when you feel threatened.

3. traditionally a lucky number; a lively, sparkling you, who easily make money and conquests in love, talented, witty, and bubbly, given to classical music when living to higher nature, absolutely charming, albeit ruthless, when disarming those who oppose.

4. number of earth, distinctly gloomy, solid, uninspired, hard-working, plodding, cautious, conservative and conventional. Calm on the surface, maybe violent eruptions underneath and plausible digestive problems.

5. number of sex: the clever you, jumpy, energetic, erratic and irresponsible, nervous and highly-strung, lovers of risks and excitement, boastful and quick-tempered, lurid-love-life your forte.

6. well-balanced you, peaceful, warm-hearted, reliable, kindly, loyal, affectionate, dislike upsets and rows, work hard but rarely any flair for business, lacking social skills, and prefer 1-1 relationships.

7. magical number; you tend to retreat from the world, enter into privacy of own reflections, philosophical and scholarly, you value the things of the mind, reserved, serious, dignified, uninterested in money and material pleasures, sometimes sarcastic and aloof.

8. in to everything you; money-making, gossip, worldly success your goal and when you fail you forge on into the next great wave of success or failure with selfish, grim, determination, and will fight a black is white case from your corner, no scruples when locked in to power-seeker mode.

9. number of high achievement, not in a worldly sense but nonetheless; high-minded, visionary,energetic, emotional, passionate, duty to others and intense hatred of poverty, old age and ugliness for themselves.

>>By buddy   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 13:29)



Beth...that's so not fair...I'm not home in time to see 'that' programme...I can't guess...LOL

Busy day? <vbg>

>>By bikergirl   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 13:39)



Hey I can't believe I just did that but it turned out my number is = 0, maybe I should try it again, I did something wrong I guess.

>>By borisette   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 13:43)



It's alright Borisette I came out with 236962, now what the bloody hell do I do with that? I've added it up though anyway and it came to 1 but I am hoping I added it up wrong because I don't like number one. Someone do the adding up again for me - ta. (And you should, because if that's true then I am highly dangerous!)

>>By Bethan   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 14:58)



bikergirl is a 3...

3. Traditionally a freaky number...
....A lively, spanking you, who easily wastes money and is
conscienceless in love...
....Talentless, witless, and bobbly...
....Given to classified musicians when leaving for the call of nature...
....Absolutely charming, albeit ruthless, when dismembering those
who oppose...

(Ooops! ***** ****** IRL...I'm a 5...)

Tea break over...back to work
Thanks buddy!
And (re. the chat) spot-on to the one backstage for those comments...

>>By bikergirl   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 15:40)



Ken Taylor -
Anyone else think he looks like the ex-navy seal?

On behalf of Mr Ryan could I suggest Ken Taylor is an ex-navy seal turned to actor?

>>By Lynn   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 16:09)



Hey maybe if 1 is sooooo terribly violent then maybe 0 = serial killer......
I'm offf to do the job......

>>By borisette   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 18:24)



Hey bikergirl... 3 in Fortunes by Letters is quite common around gnod including officer class...Loved your interpretation of 3 but it may not go down too well in other quarters...

For all of yah:
Even funnier is when you take into account peoples e-mail nics!!!

One wolf will laugh = 1

CR = 5

AM = 8 find out his real name and you'll be in for a big surprise!!

I won't post a list of the 3's 'cause that would get me more than poof'd...

>>By buddy   (Friday, 21 Nov 2003 20:46)



LOL bg! I love your interp of 3.... hmmmm *counting on fingers, carry the ...* Hey, wait, I'm a 3!

MAN! That's really freaky 'cause I'm a 5 in RL too. :)

>>By Dare   (Saturday, 22 Nov 2003 04:11)



Hey did a recount now i turn up for Borisette a 6 and for me myself and I 7. Not all that bad.
Like it .

>>By borisette   (Saturday, 22 Nov 2003 15:02)



I had to re-count too and decided one add one isn't one it's two but damn it I don't like that one either, so I thought right let's do real name not porn name and I'm an eight. Not much better but at least as me I'm not evil.

>>By Bethan   (Monday, 24 Nov 2003 12:07)



CHRIS RYAN'S GUIDE TO HUNTER FORCE SELECTION
TOP SECRET, NEED TO KNOW INFORMATION ONLY

1. Scour all possible acting classes for willing volunteers who are good looking enough to interest the ladies but not enough to make you look second class, remember Ryan is still the bride!
2. Find men with as many VDM's as possible (cigars, beards, podginess, funny chins, you know, the usual)
3. Pace - enough to look realistic, not enough to be a real threat. Use a timed dash up and down Pen-y-Fan, those completing within the time limit are binned.
4. Weaponry - just having hands to hold it is enough, the public won't know any different, no fancy skills needed, they'll never shoot anyway. Also essential is the mean 'don't mess with me I'm a sniper' face.
5. Map skills - non-essential the co-ordinator will be giving them all the information they need.
6. Tracking skills - well, what can I say.
7. Cam cream usage - essential, only those that plaster themselves in cam cream are good enough to be on TV.
8. Eyesight - should be doubtful, allow Ryan the maximum chance of setting booby traps that will actually maim one of them. The co-ordinator can always tell them where they are positioned anyway.
9. Strength - muscles means women and women means more viewers….But not too big, bridesmaids aren't brides you know!
10. Equipment - only the best for the hunter boys, they need all the help they can get.
11. Intelligence - enough to be dangerous!
12. Sense of humour - essential for the soundtrack and the fact that even with help they will lose.

"Just keep on running...." (Can't remember the rest of the words, sure it applies to me!)

>>By Bethan   (Monday, 24 Nov 2003 13:04)



LOL, you did well on that one, Slam Fit CR...

Don't forget ge did let the bridesmaids win the bouquet for the last run...

>>By buddy   (Monday, 24 Nov 2003 18:11)



Oh Oh, Bethan dearie, you'd better be carefull or you'll have MI5 looking for you.

>>By borisette   (Monday, 24 Nov 2003 18:40)



I've finally got Greed out of the library and seven pages in the boy's doing the dirty already. But oh Mr Ryan does anyone actually say

"Do it to me.....do it to me now"

Giggle? Yes. Was I supposed to? Probably not.

>>By Bethan   (Tuesday, 25 Nov 2003 19:17)



LOL Bethan... The man must be obsessed.

I thought you always said : "do it to me..." or was it Bikergirl.

OOOPs

>>By borisette   (Tuesday, 25 Nov 2003 19:48)



>I thought you always said : "do it to me..." or was it Bikergirl

bikergirl says...
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh!
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh!
Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh!

*lol*

>>By bikergirl   (Wednesday, 26 Nov 2003 18:17)



beth...
spooky...
>>I've finally got Greed out of the library
'im indoors bought me back a copy when he got home at the w/e...
and then you tell me 'bout the other hand...ok...so mine's just a crush, but still...
spooky....

i'm readin the board backwards here...
bikergirl and dare are 3's...and 5's in real life...b.a.d or just evil twins?
spooky...

enough right-handed stuff for now...

>>By bikergirl   (Wednesday, 26 Nov 2003 18:25)



YOU'VE GOT YOUR HAND BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

>>By borisette   (Wednesday, 26 Nov 2003 18:26)



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