Andy Mcnab
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>>By am-i-binned (Thursday, 19 Jun 2003 21:27)
lol boris nice adventure you had there but how am i going to get out of the house to get some pig fat. It would be a bit strange if i sent somone out to get some
>>By christina (Thursday, 19 Jun 2003 21:54)
p.s not funny AIB in pain and i aint doing that lol
>>By christina (Thursday, 19 Jun 2003 21:55)
i wrote the letter thingy it don't think its what anybody expected but i needed an instant high tell me if you want to read it!?!
>>By christina (Thursday, 19 Jun 2003 22:45)
brownie
I’m on the other side of the country from you, but my family has its roots in Kirkintilloch, so I have the usual legion of relatives, (although I don’t know most of them now, there’s too many).
Christina
I’m on-line half the night so I would welcome something to read and think about.
You're a Scot – cracking. Rangers? Football is another topic I keep quiet about – I’ve just escaped from the tyranny, sorry, great leadership, of a six foot seven Hoops-fanatic for a boss. My position on this is: nice weather for this time of year, isn’t it?
caroline
Posh Jock – I love it. Such an evocative phrase.
aib
Just to admit that I didn’t actually watch Ultimate Force last night so much as acquire it by very loud osmosis from upstairs, although I saw bits in passing. Interesting.
>>By Mhorag (Thursday, 19 Jun 2003 23:40)
Re: chinhelo, Chris, the better man of the two.
You should try www.gnooks.com/discussion/chris+ryan.html
Re: CB, the ex-army officer she's with today one or two who post here will recognise him.
I certainly hope she (CB) does recognise him since she with him today.
Who’s the other one?
Re: Paul, I'm still with the same lovely woman
How can you tell wearing that that piece of black cardboard obscuring your vision?
(Just kidding – good to know there are still fellas who speak of their wife like this – but I’ll stick to the BBQ when we meet, please try to master that before)
Re: Why can’t you walk with popped blisters Chrissy? I mean they must be on your fingers from posting too much instead of studying. Ah, just teasing you girl. Are you gonna post your story or are you gonna send it to Buddy offboard?
Re: Operation get home fast.
Wow, you must have one bad mother-in-law since she did make it past your dogs..
;-) Great story Boris.
>>By Lynn (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 00:05)
Since I'm not from the UK - what's Posh Jock?
>>By Lynn (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 00:07)
Lynn
‘Jock’ - the image everyone has of a ‘typical’ Scot – cobwebs on their wallet, alcohol for blood, scrap at the first opportunity?
Put that together with posh?
Just conjured up an interesting image for me of a battling Morningside lady (that’s a very, very wealthy area of Edinburgh, I think JK Rowling lives somewhere round there). Not funny for anyone else, except that more often than not, these women are about five feet tall and they terrify even me. Sorry, I'm getting tired now, it's been a long long day, so anything is funny for me at the moment.
>>By Mhorag (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 00:39)
Put together with posh....
so they don't pay but they say "I'm sorry"
they take your drink but say "thank you"
and they do smack you but they say "Excuse me"
???
Long time ago I posted something I read about 70% of the Regiment being Scottish (because they're such tough blokes)
How do you, our Scottish new posters, feel about that?
>>By Lynn (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 10:25)
hip hip huraaaaaaaaaaaay for the Scots.
I've got scottish ancesters aswell, my great grandmother was a douglas and came from scotland, can't remember where she was born though, wasn't there. Anyway I've been to scotland i just think its great, beautifull countryside, good food, nice people..
I'll be off on a secret mission soon, actually in a weeks time, got called up by the SBS, have to go to The Red Sea, Egypte for all places, and do some diving there,seems like bin laaden and Sadam have opened a sushi bar there. Have to investigate and eliminate if so. sssshhhh don't tell anyone, even mother-in-law doesn't know yet. Volonteers are welcome.
Christina, pig fat you can find at the butcher shop or at your local supermarket. It smells a bit though.
>>By boris (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 12:44)
I tried to watch some Ultimate Force but Ross Kemp is laughable - I cant get over that Grant Mitchell pose, the way no matter how hard he tries, he still looks like a dumb thug.
I've just been for a hard tab/ forced march up tot he shop not far off a million miles away and imagine my disgruntlment when I am too busy daydreaming and looking into the MoD place camera (we live in a big MoD town) to notice where I am going - I'm there walking passed, just checking my hair when WHUMP - ok! I have walked into the back of a van. That's ok - I bet the camera was off anyway (delusion) - not a problem, I shall disengage from the van and do a runner. Oh No! Because the man just HAD to be in the van! There I was spreadeagled like a moth to a winscreen and I saw him drop his pie in fright and then piss himself laughing. So there was no way I was going to walk on up anbd have his eyes boring hoiles into the back of me thinking - nice girl, but dim. Nope, I turned around and went back the way I came adding 10 minutes onto my journey.
They dont call me clever caroline at all, but if they did it would not be for a reason!
In a mo (under cover of database) I will tell you about last night's Operation Get Booze.
>>By Caroline (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 14:57)
Last night’s operation was what Andy McNab would call, ‘not a good day out’. However, when you are an SAS commando as I am, you really do have to adapt and think on your feet, change plan at a moment’s notice. I had orders (the voices..) to rescue the target, (a bottle of red wine) that had been held captive by the enemy (watchful mother) for 2 days. It was to be a smash and grab job and I was ready for it. My CTR for the last 2 days posted me to an LUP of under the kitchen table - I wasnt alone, my partner licked my face (the dog). I scouted the enemy’s whereabouts - two up...hmm, I knew that to be but could only see one. I ran through the options in my mind. One of those was to ask my partner to stop licking me. I listened, opening my mouth slightly to hear better and cut out the noise of me breathing. A phone went off somewhere - enemy number one went for it - this is my chance. Speed and Surprise are the two key factors to any assault...Speed, Surprise and Aggression - the THREE most important factors in any assault. Let’s go! My partner leapt up and ran underfoot causing me to bang my head on the kitchen table. That;s ok - keep going! I grabbed the target, I grabbed any other glass target I could find and pegged it upstairs to my room. My relief and success was cut short as I poured the contents into the glass and only a dribble came out! STOPPAGE! I yelled at no one in particular! So in a fit of pique I dumped the target into a reeeaallly safe place where no enemy would come after it - in the sodding bin! hmmph! So Just for that I went to bed and read my book. Oh AND - as this is a MoD town, my wee brother’s friend’s dad was in the SF and at same place and time as Andy baby - so there’s my strenuous connection! haha.
One last thing - anyone who has fallen asleep at my essay at this point will be made to see me after class!
>>By Caroline (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 15:26)
when I said strenuous I meant tenuous
>>By caroline (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 15:52)
Oh AND (for someone who is trying to be careful under CO's or 'Rupert's' gaze, I am being prety blatant with this. )
um.. oh yeah, I'm from Aberdeen way (not a posh place) but I will smack you one and say sorry. I will steal your drink and say thanks ahaha - but I have a posh voice - nae a Eberdeen voice, ye ken? So for you fellow Jocks - F'Liken!!??
Oh and I dont live in Aberdeen now (not a big MoD town) up until Wednesday, when I go back, I live in Wiltshire. You can hear the big guns off the plain and see attack helicopters practicing - it's ace!
>>By Caroline (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 16:05)
Ok - last one for now - I would also like to formally apologise for my language back there. And my poo typing - I was in a mad dash. You see, when you're an SAS commando such as I..... hahaha (blah blah)
>>By Caroline (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 17:35)
yes lynn im going to post it on the board not off And very funny comment hahahaha i only have one exam left and that is on tuesday yeah. This is my letter its a bit rushed but here goes:
Dear Dominic
Am writing to tell you about the craziest and most eventful day ever so here goes the story is like this.
I was set up on a blind date by Sean who is gay so don’t know why I took up the offer but did. I arrived at the café 5 minutes early as to make a good impression and passed a strange man around the corner doing what looked to be spying on the café. But what do you expect it was London. I sat down ordered a coffee with lots of sugar! I put my cap on, as it was the VDM. The strange man I saw spying on the café walked in and I was horrified when he sat next to me. He had a distinct smell to him rather like piss and he looked like he was allergic to shaving. He ordered an extra large coffee I don’t think he had slept in days or would be able to with the huge amount of caffeine in that cup. We got chatting apparently he was called Nick Stone. I started to notice he was doing weird things for example he hadn’t taken his gloves off and he wiped the rim of the cup with his serviette. The only good thing about him was his killer blue eyes he didn’t say much just sat there and ate his massive cheese sub he ordered after his enormous coffee. Time passed very slowly and I was gagging under the smell of him I invited him back to my place. I told him the address, as he didn’t want to go in my car? He must have assumed that I liked him but I just wanted him to have a shower so I could actually listen to what he was saying as the smell was distracting.
Well nothing that you would be interested happened next. Wink Wink lol.
Love Christina
I dont think its the kinda letter you were all expecting but you know crap day. hey its like the movies i do actually have a gay best friend called sean i know your all jealous he wants to be a desinger LOL. No offence to people who live in london sorry!
Sorry Boris i know you were trying to help but pig fat is going nowhere near me!
Did sombody say they knew some good army air corps websites?
>>By christina (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 17:52)
Well here goes my close encounter with NS:
Posted in Riyadh, I was to have contact with someone code named : R2D2. I didn't know how to recognise the man, all info that was given to me was highly secret and i can't post it here, or I'd have to kill you all. Anyway, there I was under the bleaching sun 50°C, outside a french supermarket, at the corner of King FAhd street, drinking a diet coke, : " Delta to all units" I started walking, I had allready studied the supermarket and found all the eventual ways to get out if I got caught.
A guy in a white long dress with a headcap was approaching me, strangely he had very blue eyes, wich isn't common at all in Saudi.
He looked me streight in the eyes and walked past me. I heard on my radio : OB1KNOBE is he arriving". "clic clic" I turned around and followed the guy with the white dress. "is he in front of you". - "clic clic" Then the guy turned into the supermarket. I went streight on, and entered in the other entrance. "He's at the chemist shop" I heard
Clic clic.
Now I was standing next to him, I started sweating all over, my heart was going to burst, I knew this guy was dangerous, I had my deserteagle next to me, tucked away. I felt a tap on my right shoulder, I turned around slowly,...a guy with THE MOST blueish eyes I'd ever seen was standing behind me. (so who was the guy in the white dress???) "Hi long time no see" he started. Help I thought I was going to panic, stay calm I thought, he's a goodie not a baddy, but then you never know."So you must be OB1KNOBE" he said with a grin on his face, "Yep" I answered, (I've never been a very big talker). " Well I have a surprise for you" he laughed, and then the whole supermarket started singing happy birhtday to you. This has no sense, I thought.
Suddenly I woke up, I had a nightmare yes, wow what a relief. The I turned around in bed, and haaaaaaaaaaaaaa who was lying next to me snorring away, R2D2 alias Nick Stone. Now how the hell did he get into my bed I don't know.
>>By boris (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 22:51)
Lynn
You don’t know how close you are to the truth. I would think that you haven’t heard of the Jenners sale (equivalent of Harrods in London), starts Sunday, streets are clearing already……
70%, sounds good to me. I don’t write letters, they have a nasty habit of reappearing as evidence unless the recipient is sound. However, I have written something about a Scottish Para I met a couple of times and thought of when I needed a role model for picking an actor to play Stone. If they are all like him (in key characteristics), then 70% is understandable. However, I’m probably biased, because I’ve been surrounded all my life by small, compact, ruthless Celtic men with the hearts of lions. Maybe I’ll post, maybe I won’t, but it was fun writing it.
christina
Cool. Original idea, picking up on key aspects of Stone’s undercover life, smell being paramount! I loved the allergy to shaving bit.
Boris
Just read your post. Wicked.
>>By Mhorag (Friday, 20 Jun 2003 22:58)
Dear .......,
You know my job and what it entails, and you also know that on occasion there are days I wish I could press a switch and wipe the data fed into this head of mine. Today was one of those days.
His name was Nick Stone, the introduction formal and he was then escorted to his room. He had a vague idea as to why he'd been called in, they all do, and he knew damn well he was being watched via a two-way mirror. I had company too, the kind you avoid eye contact with, and this Nick Stone guy had my undivided attention: I was magnetised by him.
He sauntered up to the mirror and he was looking beyond it, not at his own reflection. It was the first time that had ever happened to me, and it was disconcerting, I could tell just watching his posture, the stiffness of his shoulders, that he was tense as a wire and damned determined to imply otherwise. The rational part of me, that part of me that is pure professional, keeps trying to figure out what is really going on with us, and why for the first time in my life someone had sussed me out as one of the assessors beforehand.
Okay, so he's a thousand times as handsome as the file pictures despite a slightly cruel expression when he isn't smiling, and a toughness that he hasn't invented, but on the contrary, tries to conceal. I don't think he likes his own toughness all that much. He takes it for granted. That's good. And blue eyes, yes, unbelievable, and infinitely beautiful by sunlight, torchlight, incandescent light, smiling, mocking, glaring with rage, merely thoughtful, grave. The body is the body for man to have. Say no more. Mr Macho with acquired elegance, drawing on his Marlboro as if lazily recharging his batteries with it, the guy you know will like Mozart but not a clue as to who composed what he's listening to.
But what about the rest of him, the look in his eye, the intimate way in which he smiles, the damned smart cracks he's renowned for, and the unseen energy that immediately started burning out the circuits during electric handshake? This man I'm looking at, looking at me, starts to make faces and it's almost impossible not to laugh. He knows, knows that I've studied his face, knows that I'm there, and he knows we are scheduled for a one-on-one tomorrow. Tomorrow, how am I to get through tomorrow? This is a hero, a man who deserves respect, and yet here he is playing the fool in a mirror.
Write soon.
>>By lastgoodbye (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 01:42)
lol boris that was great and really funny i especially liked the part when he ended up in your bed!
and wow last goodbye a differant style but it is great i loved it. i like the way you described his eyes
>>By christina (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 09:01)
I’ve been in the Tower as long as I can remember. Even as a child I guess and I didn’t mind at the time, lots to discover, lots of things to play with. Even the crows became my friends. But when I grew older to the age where I was a young woman I started to feel different about the place. A weird feeling in my stomach, a restlessness I didn’t understand. When I started reading some ancient books I found locked away I realised it was love. I wanted to be loved. I wanted someone to love and I started dreaming about the guy who would come and rescued me from this place I now hated, The Tower. One day I woke up and heard strange noises I never heard before. Something was happening.. would it… could it be..??? I waited in full anticipation, trembling and when I heard someone coming to my door I jumped on my bed to lay down in the most seductive pose i could think of in my innocence. Suddenly there was a BANG and a lot of smoke. I could see nothing anymore, a real smoke screen but suddenly I was picked up by a pair of strong hands. It must be a man. It must be him, the one I was waiting for. I was so excited. The guy through me over his shoulder and I just asked him “WHO ARE THOU? when I heard his voice say GOD YOU’RE SO HEAVY! Still I wanted to know who he was so I asked again, Sir, what is your name? He replied: I’m Nick Stone. I wished I could see more of him, his face, his eyes but all I could see now was his back and his bottom (which was a nice one by the way). On our way to the Tower’s gates MY GUY had to fight of a dragon. He did so great but he had some help from a donkey who’s presence I did not understand at the time. When we got out and he put me to my feet I wanted to kiss him, to thank him and to offer him all my love and my body. But he said NO NO NO, it’s not me who wants you. Someone by the name of Shrek hired me to get you out of this place. He paid me well, but I’m gonna charge him extra for therapy of my back, God, it hurts like hell! Completely confused I asked Nick Stone why it was Shrek who wanted me. He answered: You silly, because he’s green, just like you.
>>By Lynn (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 14:40)
Omigod! No wonder we've managed to fill 44 pages!
Oooooh! There's no shortage of vivid imaginations here, that's for sure! I literally have tears running down my face from laughing so much! Thank you all so much! Oh, to be so creative as you all are -- I'm truly envious!
My network server has been down for the last two days, and I'm catching up now, but reading these all at once like this is very hard on the face! I'm such a grinnin' idjit right now that my cheeks ache!!!
LOL! :oD (ouch!) VBG! :o) (ouch!) VBW! ;o) (oh, that I can do...)
Fanx so muchly!!!!! ;o) ;o) ;o) ;o) ;o)
>>By am-i-binned (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 16:41)
Nice one Lynn and Christina. Liked the smelly part of Christina and Shrek really funny, so you think he's got a good arse then hey.. Why don't the others write one aswell. HOW ABOUT YOU, aM-I-BINNED. And you buddy, mhorag, caroline, swedish reader, Paul etc etc etc...
Have to take a shower, just come from the beach all sunburned on one side of my body, tipical.....
>>By boris (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 16:53)
Ok boris im soo jelous now... just come back from the beach etc i have no beach near me and its cold im gunna cry!
hey lynn the part about shrek really got me grinning and if only we knew AM had a nice arse but we can assume he does.
>>By christina (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 17:02)
OK, quit taking the michael please. I’m blue with cold here and all I’m getting is hot, sunbathing, the Red Sea. Bang out of order.
Good to see there are so many takes on Stone, from speculation about his ass-ets to some pretty shrewd observation. And not one Ross Kemp in sight. Some bits had me rotfl and some made me stop, think and re-read.
Lastgoodbye
Way to go, mate. The two-way mirror was nothing short of brilliant. Good read.
Lynn
“He paid me well, but I’m gonna charge him extra for therapy”
Caroline
I preferred strenuous……
“I ran through the options in my mind. One of those was to ask my partner to stop licking me.”
And the description of the van incident was priceless.
>>By Mhorag (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 22:40)
Make that one-way mirror....
>>By Mhorag (Saturday, 21 Jun 2003 22:46)
eh im sooooo confued i cant type hahahahah jo everybody what the hell i amf strange!!!!!!!111!!!!!!
>>By christina (Sunday, 22 Jun 2003 00:49)
Bugger, missed the deadline.
Did any one spot the clue in the two-way mirror?
lastgoodbye had to be buddy. If you've read her you'd know her style.
>>By chinhelo (Sunday, 22 Jun 2003 01:48)
oooppppsss sorry about my last post long story but involed me being pissed out of my head lol sorry i really couldn't type properly and sorry about the DF page if you read the post there lol.
Its ok we can move the deadline for a few people not mentioning no names chinhelo. AIB of course you could be creative its easy! if i can do it you can beleive me VBG!
>>By christina (Sunday, 22 Jun 2003 10:33)
Yeah..chinhelo (how do you pronounce that. and what does it mean), I guess you're right about lastgoodbye. Had to reread it though , I'm a bit slow in understanding sometimes.Very clever indeed.
Hey Christina how are your blisters doing, did the pig fat help you?
Anyway no beach today, still hurt from the sunburn yesterday, and anyway I can do with some good sleep, and got all that ironing to do aswell , yek.
>>By boris (Sunday, 22 Jun 2003 11:10)
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