Andy Mcnab
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chr*st how thoughts beat fingers to the keyboard...
>>By buddy (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 12:05)
Let's face it: she definitely aired "dirty" laundry in public...
>>By buddy (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 12:07)
This is completely off topic but I had to post this. Found on some odd website (actually science-based, see I do work!), thought it summed up life rather well...
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
Amen!
>>By Bethan (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 14:59)
Got another one - sorry!!
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
-Murphy's Military Laws
Cracking - that is now my new motto! Any other fantastic quotes please send them my way (especially ones I can put on a very uninspiring poster for an open day). Ta. Much obliged. (keep them clean people!!)
>>By Bethan (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 15:02)
Oooh, military laughs!
I like this one:
A C-141 was preparing for departure from a base in Thule,
Greenland and they were waiting for the truck to arrive
to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, but the truck was
late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was
extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the
Aircraft Commander berated the Airman for his lack of speed
and promised to pursue punitive action, the Airman responded:
"Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I am stationed
in Thule and I am pumping s**t out of airplanes. Just what
are you planning to do to punish me?"
>>By am-i-binned (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 15:37)
one great quote, which i found out to be quite accurate is that
all battles take place at the folding point of a map, in the dark when it's raining, and
no matter which way you have to march, its always uphill
other legendary military quotes i can think of include
"friendly fire ain't"
"when in doubt, empty your magazine"
"don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything"
and my favorite, and our motto:
"the only easy day was yesterday"
if you want more, try http://www.military-quotes.com
>>By trident (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 16:21)
Since I started this here's my last one for the day!
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
What a friendly way to look at it. And oh so true, we can all name the war zones, I'm not so good on the peaceful countries.
>>By Bethan (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 16:44)
http://www.virginbooks.com/go/Books_204374.html
The Little Book of the SAS - has anyone read it? I haven't, yet...
----------
1945: A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people. Now: A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.
--------
NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT
Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict.
You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there themselves.
Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.
H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
* Combat Jacket
* Trousers (preferably khaki - but please no denim)
* Tin helmet
* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
* Gas mask
* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure Map of Iraq will do)
* Rifle
* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
* Suntan oil
If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last).
We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.
There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
* The Guns of Navarone
* Kelly's Heroes
* A Bridge to Far
* The Longest Day
* Apocalypse Now
* The Matrix
* Blazing Saddles
* The Desert Song
* Mary Poppins
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.
Yours faithfully,
G Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
A Bush - Blair Production
Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
>>By buddy (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 17:00)
LOL!!!! :oD
>>By am-i-binned (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 17:10)
Experts with newscaster on CNN 24th March.
3 yank experts including a former 2-star general from delta force, 1 ex SAS and the network's anchor.
Footage of iraqis giving themselves up.
anchor: We have no verification as of yet if they are british or american troops taking these POW's
yank1: Only americans wear boots like that, they're american
yank 2: I agree, and they appear to have american camouflage jackets.
yank 3 (delta force bloke): I'm not so sure, there's not enough up-close detail to tell 100%, we'd need some close images to tell make of boots and jackets and maybe the shape of their kevlar headgear.
Ex SAS man: Call yourselves experts? Since when did US forces use an SA80 as a standard issue rifle? Their DPM's can be bought as can boots so you're chasing rainbows if you want to identify them from their clothes.
anchor: I think you're right.
Ex SAS man: Course I'm bloody right. Any one with half a brain and basic military training worth their salt should be able to identify a British soldier by his rifle. Not to mention the fact they're covering all points properly, not shouting "woo yeah" randomly, and haven't raised a flag in direct contravention with orders.
At this point 1 of the yanks walks off stage tearing his mic off, and the anchor says "I think we can safely say the soldiers on your screen are British. Now for these messages".
fade to ad break/
-------
couldn't resist this one:
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
>>By buddy (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 19:17)
Re: Experts
I guess it's too much to hope that that CNN broadcast is available on online video, right? Oooh, I'd love to see all their faces during that exchange!
Re: Disney fireworks
And here I thought they were banning fireworks in deference to such displays being mistaken for terrorist attacks! But Czech tourists?!?
LOL!!!
>>By am-i-binned (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 19:32)
Hehe.... gung-ho and yee-hah to the yanks!! Although I suspect most Delta-guys to be on a somewhat professional level. Most SAS-authors describes Delta Force as the SAS' "sister regiment". It's interesting to read Mike Curtis' tales (in CQB) about the Regiment cross-training with the Delta's in the states.
Also, it's an interesting read when Chris Ryan describes a scene in TOTGA where he's in the US, briefing a bunch of Delta's (or Rangers?) about his E&E to Syria.
One of the Americans is bragging about "Wow man!! We just had a really long and punishing E&E exercise". "Long", being 7 hours. When CR let's them know that he's just performed an E&E of 7 DAYS, their gung-ho bravado quiets down a tad... :)
>>By ortlieb (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 20:30)
Prom,ise, promise, faithfully, this is my last joke - thought it might make WinterWolf go grrrrrrrrr!
The truth about the Aussie SAS...
There has been some speculation about why the Australian military contribution to the war in Iraq has not received anything like the coverage that the American (obviously) and British forces have.
Well the reasons are twofold: firstly, the size of the force is a great deal smaller as it is made up of the elite Australian Special Air Service (which is operating in conjunction with their British SAS and American Delta Force & SEAL counterparts)... and secondly the fact they are special forces means operational security is paramount. The Aussies are famous in Special Forces circles for their ability to survive without resupply for long periods of time, something very useful when operating behind enemy lines. Just how they do this is a closely guarded secret.
However there is another more... puzzling... aspect to the lack of news, considering the Australians are the only group to invite the Al-Jazeera TV channel to embed journalists with them. A recently broadcast signal from a Australian SAS unit 'somewhere in Iraq' made mention that they had run out of embedded journalists and could they send a couple more out, preferably less stringy ones this time. It is unclear what the significance of that last remark was.
>>By buddy (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 20:52)
LOL! Love the compulsory enlistment notification and Aussie SAS secret. Oooh, that was bad, buddy, but funny! :)
AIB, have you found where AM writes about his disguise training and "lovely shade of lipstick" yet? I've been looking since we mentioned it several pages back and still haven't found it. :P
Going to spend my afternoon watching Heat. Finally... especially since I probably could have bought the blasted video by now with all of the late charges I owe!
>>By Dare (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 23:00)
Hi, Dare...
Borisette found the lipstick passage for us (pg 81 post) -- it was in Firewall... :o)
>>By am-i-binned (Wednesday, 1 Oct 2003 23:15)
LOL, loved the jokes, cheered up my day.... well, night!
Buddy, Enid Blyton was sandwiched between AM and CR in your reply to me, didn't think it was addressed to me as Enid wasn't mentioned in my post, just wondered at the imagery.... "Five Go Mad in The DropZone" or something. C-rations, willy-peter grenades and lashings of ginger beer... Defeats even my literary bastardisation!
The bit about the crystals was true, the dinner lady bit was a pisstake.... not a very good one but hey?! :-)
Now, psych for beginners: shadows are the parts of our personalities we find unnaceptable (basically you got your ID which is your primal animal fight it or f*ck it drive, your EGO which is your public face and the bit that you want people including yourself to think well of and your SUPER EGO which is your conscience and your leanings towards a better way of being, altruism etc).
Shadows are an ego defence creation, in that say the public Shanti941 doesn't gain self-esteem, respect in my line of work, or any other shiny things from acting out by hitting people with hammers, blowing shit up or having the bloody-minded focus of say Nick Stone.
So I defend my ego and my view of my self as a fundamentally nice and gentle person by venting my aggression in fiction, which is a healthy place for it.
Thus I throw myself into reading what he gets up to, to ease the pressure on me to be nicer than maybe human patience - well, mine anyway - can naturally handle in all situations. A bit of me identifies with Nick and gets to share his world.
I see clients as part of my work, some v.traumatised and my aggression needs an outlet safely away from them, as they have a right to my full compassionate *unconditional positive regard* (that means, not non-judgemental in a lame way, just not heaping on blame when they feel bad already b.t.w)
Sometimes my id would like to lash out when my ego feels threatened by other people's stories of their hurt - victimisation is a strong word for most but it's along those lines.
That b.t.w. is another ego defence, like I want to say to myself I'd be smart enough not to have bad shit happen to me like it did to them, to make out I'd not have the nasty stuff they've been through - this keeps me feeling safely in control, and is not a bad thing so long as you know it's going on.
This is all v.long winded, but couldn't make it snappier and still give you a sensible answer! And I'm sure there are better explanations, I've just read all the posts, had a long day and am doin' me best guv! :-)
xS
>>By shanti941 (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 01:44)
Hey there!
Thanks for the heads-up on the lipstick bit, Borisette and AIB. I just reread FW and didn't spot it. :)
Shanti- I know what you mean about Nick relieving our stress vicariously so we can be good. I really identify with some of what Nick is all about. Except, of course, for the SAS training, tough streetwise manner, and butt-kicking abilities. He's also, most emphatically, male. I'm, most emphatically, not. :) Mostly what we have in common is our unstable childhood and young adult years and joining the military at an early age. But I can empathize with Nick's mindset and ability to compartmentalize.
Well, I just finished watching "Heat". It was good. I did notice some stuff that is mentioned in the books. I was also doing homework while I watched it, so at the point where Al and his buddies walk out to see what Bobby, et al. were doing, I looked up and said to my daughter, "What the heck are they doing? AM would never have told them to recce out in the middle of an open area like that!" SO when Al realized he'd been had, it was a great moment! Very cool. I'll have to watch it again when I don't have 4 chapters of homework and study to get through. But I really liked the movie. It was very understated for an action movie. Like Ronin, another good Bobby DeNiro action vehicle.
Now, since there isn't much good on TV tonight and I'm taking a break from study, I'm watching the A&E Horation Hornblower miniseries. *happy sigh* Good stuff!
>>By Dare (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 03:31)
I'm still going with these things -
"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
French ambassador to New Zealand Jacques le Blanc, regarding press coverage of France's nuclear weapons tests in the Pacific
Fantastic.
Q: How many SAS men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to shout GO! GO! GO!
But that's only once they've been handed control of the situation ha ha.
>>By Bethan (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 10:05)
Hey, I thought we'd given Enid Blyton a parachute several posts back, what with Titty in Swallows & Amazons preferable as tearing around with Andy Mcnab kiddy equivalents and armed with bows and arrows!?
Jeepers Shanti, talking ego/super ego is a tad dangerous on here, especially when egotism (excessive use of "I" & "ME") gets in on the act, because that brings us right back to the argument "for and against" first-person narratives!!!
I guess you must often come across awful moments (commonly experienced by those who deal in therapy for traumatised clients/patients) when a generalised statement about an incident is mentioned at a social gathering, and someone (usually very selfish) leaps in with "oh yes, that happened to "me", and did you know "I" " so on and so forth, and as a therapist you think: God save me from egotism...
Oh Bethan, why do we love to knock the French so?
Thinking of egos, it's said more ego bashing occurs between lovers than enemies, and never a truer statement: the American/British stance over Iraq, love-hate relationship can't do without the other to survive...
>>By buddy (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 12:54)
is it acceptable for SAS to have a raging hangover?
Was with my 'source' last night. Hmm - I believe he has a knowledge, but nothing worth much - but he is trying tio remember Andy's real name. He's saying Andy is his real name, but the McNab bit isnt.
>>By Pomplemous (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 13:38)
I wonder why the SBS changed the origin of the abbreviation from Special Boat Squadron to Special Boat Service?
Feeling the need to demonstrate that they are every bit as special (hence: Service) as their fellow land crab buddies in the Regiment?
Not much food for thought, but they are crumbles at least.....
buddy, you seem to be the one to have inside knowledge about these things..... ?
>>By ortlieb (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 14:41)
hurrah! so you are interested in the SBS too? I am done with the SAS - all overdone now. Sigh - I need a greater challenge.
clear hangover first though.
>>By Pomplemous (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 15:16)
Another (more dumb question than Ortlieb's) but why do the SAS need a boat troop when the SBS could probably do the job? Is it all just down to politics?
Pomplemous I've tried sending you "hangover get lost" vibes down my keyboard, please do the same for me tomorrow I'll probably be in the same state!
Buddy I don't knock the French just the muppet who spoke that pearl of wisdom, device that explodes, oh come on!
>>By Bethan (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 16:02)
Oh, so my questions are dumb now, eh? Geez, there's no hope of getting cut some slack by you femme fatales. Not easy being one of the few roosters in the hen-house....
Pomp: My area of "expertise" is still the SAS, but I'm considering buying a couple of SBS-related books; this would probably be the first one:
SBS: the Inside Story of the Special Boat Service
John Parker
I've included the synopsis to perhaps catch interest of other members of the board (I suppose it'd make you happy if others catch onto the SBS).
Synopsis
The men of the SBS are the maritime equivalent of their counterparts in the SAS; they are the elite of the British Special Forces and also the most secretive. Although SAS activity has been extensively documented, the SBS has remained in the state it prefers - a shadowy silhouette, with identities protected and missions kept from public view. Formed during World War II, when they took part in many daring raids (one of which was filmed as "The Cockleshell Heroes"), they were active in the jungle campaigns in the Far East, in the Falklands, the Gulf War and Bosnia. Since this book was published in 1997, John Parker has been privy to much more inside information about the SBS's original operations and he brings the book right up to date with accounts of their exploits in East Timor, Somalia, Sierra Leone, Kosovo and most recently in Afghanistan.
>>By ortlieb (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 17:05)
I have a good book but I cant remember by whom as I havent started it yet - but it is SBS.
thanks for the hangover getlost vibes - it worked - just tired now!
*slump*
tomorrow I can say more
>>By Pomplemous (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 18:23)
Oh, come on now guys and girls: SBS still think of themselves as the "Squadron", their being directly attached to - what was once called - the Senior Service (Royal Navy).
Hence SBS more secretive stance (formerly) than that of the SAS, whom we all know are the middling bunch (Army), with the Royal Air Force considering themselves to be the second highest in military rank...
The thing is the SAS would like to take over the SBS (though both have as good as merged) while old-liners in the SBS would prefer total independence... The SBS refer to the SAS as their sister's in the Reg, (and vice versa) the SAS refer to their sister's in the Squad...Meantime U.S.Navy Seals think they are big brother, their sisters having taught them everything they know!!!
>>By buddy (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 18:37)
Hey, funny thing is, remember who it was who first dropped into the South Atlantic Sea (C -Nish -B) an ex Para (SAS)
>>By buddy (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 18:42)
"Hey, I thought we'd given Enid Blyton a parachute several posts back"
Good idea! And ego schmego, you asked me a question I answered. Next time I'll stick w/the big 4....
Moving on, here's some more dis-eased ramblings:
"Chapter one.
(-6 days, 1500 kcal, five brews and plenty of positive thinking. Oh, and a boiled egg for brekkie, most important meal of the day! Not in an egg banjo...)
The mission had looked promising - a piece of piss in fact. After three weeks on the Atkins diet, I had got down to just under nine stone, though my breath was minging and my farts were something else. I'd traded in the Baby G I had hacked from the arm of a famous Shakespearian actor (who used his wet-shirt scenes on British tv to facilitate Valentine ops on high-ranking women in the UK media) for my normal Rolex Oyster Perpetual, and I was feeling fit and ready.
M had called me in for the final briefing, and while I waited for the summons into his office I sat gobbing off with Miss Funnypenny, our transgender receptionist, who looked rather fetching in a sheer sheath dress in thick white satin, with just a single chunky gold bangle.
She wore no makeup, and her half Burmese half Belgian ancestry gave a cruel slant to her cheekbones. Her nails were short and square cut, with no polish, and I knew she had no background attachments to stop her being a perfect fantasy woman.
In the office, M got down to brass tacks - "The mission is, to invade Iraq, spread ideas about diet, fashion and other decadent western ways, and bring down the regime." As I listened to him repeat it - the mission statement is always said twice - I wondered what he wasn't telling me about this operation.
As a Special K, a top secret undeniably fab agent of the UK's MFI intelligence arm, I knew I had the status of a mushroom - kept in the dark and fed on shit. I knew there was a suprise waiting for me and whether I liked it or not, I'd have to accept...
****
(-4 days, 2000 kcal, five brews and one trauma pack. Not for me, so doesn't count. V.good.)
So there was no suprise when we hit the DZ (drop zone) in Iraq and my contact, Fargon el Flipd, turned out to be half-crazy. I tried to radio M but there was no answer, and before I knew it Fargon the raghead was launching himself at me - he started yelling about how getting his colours done never won him a UK passport. I felt sorry for the poor sap but had to bayonet him just to get him off me. He was wrecking the lines of my tux.
He bled like crazy, so I got some fluid into him and hoped he'd start to make sense. It turned out I wasn't just here to mince about with a few copies of Vogue, spritz some eau de toilette and wait for the revolution, I was here to take out a leading light in radical chic by shearing off his beard in public, and bringing it back to London as proof he now had a chin like a baby's smooth soft arse.
I changed into my Sea Island cotton shirt, dark heavywieght navy suit and a pair of Manolos and hailed a cab to the secret bunker.
It was a yellow New York taxicab - or was it? - but the driver was a woman, one of these new feminist types who keep clogging up the sexist assumptions of a fifties secret agent like me. But she had a cool skinhead 'do and her bum wasn't bigger than mine, so we were fine.
On the way to the bunker, I started to realise I was having flashbacks of a life I'd never led, attitude problems that ruined my "grey man" approach and an identity crisis I'd never realised. Oh, and a real funny itch in my crack. But I kept going, on my way to the man who seemed to have all the answers about my gender, my state and my store debit card (I just knew that in every identity I was the ultimate one-stop shopper).
Shit was on, and I wanted the real truth behind the crisis point edge of reason I had hit, on Her Majesty's Secret Service..."
Apologies to La Femme Nikita TV series, shall be continued if you want :-)
xS
>>By shanti941 (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 20:47)
ps Buddy that "you asked me a" etc blah, meant to put a big smiley in as not anywhere near as sarky as it reads, oh the horrors of stark words with no smiles... :-)
xS
>>By shanti941 (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 20:49)
Hello everyone!
Imagine my joy when i stumbled upon this sit.... i have been an avid fan of all things "Mcnab" for some time now......Cant wait for the new release. Woohoo
>>By Minimi (Thursday, 2 Oct 2003 21:47)
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