Andy Mcnab
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AM is, according to different interviews, spending a lot of time in the US..
Do they know about this site? Let's say if I were them I would do a regular Google search and see if my name comes up. If they do that too I'm sure GNOD must have caught their attention.. ;o)
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 10:15)
Hi Julia, it's good to see a refreshing and unbiased outlook on McNab and Ryan.
Lynn, if McNab and Ryan are prone to self-watch at Google/Yahoo wouldn't that only confirm overt vanity?
Buddy, Ink Magazine is mentioned in Writers' News. Have you read, yet? Could be a niche market if the guys get some women on board.
Just a quick pan of Internet booky message boards and it's a fair cop on women have the largest voice (nice way ;-)) and obviously buy more books and magazines than us men. I don't see us men setting out to buy a magazine about books. My wife says it's hard enough trying to get me to read a book let alone purchase one. Yeah yeah, she's the book fan.
>>By Saxon (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 11:49)
Lynn:
I'm sure both McNab and Ryan are well past getting used to their names popping up in search engines on the Internet, so I suspect their excitement-factor has cooled off by now.
>>By ortlieb (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 11:49)
Saxon,
" if McNab and Ryan are prone to self-watch at Google/Yahoo wouldn't that only confirm overt vanity?"
It could also be seen as 'research' :o)
Thought you wouldn't return before christmas 2004?? Can't resist us can you..? Ouch, big slap to myself for being overtly vain.
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 11:55)
Ortlieb,
" so I suspect their excitement-factor has cooled off by now "
For their sake's I hope not... ;o)
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 14:17)
Hi Lynn, I never said I lived in Hereford! (not too far away though!) I am off work this week so am going book shopping I thought I might buy the Lofty Wiseman book. Has anyone read that yet?
>>By Julia (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 14:18)
This was a collaborative piece of work by Bethan and bikergirl therefore neither can be held responsible for any specific bit of nonsense!!
AIB is in the command center (correct spelling for location) of the secret F Troop bunker.
AIB : "F Troopers stand by...Bethan and bikergirl have successfully extracted the target down from the Fan. The satellite should come online in 30 seconds and we'll have visual"
Bethan & bikergirl have dragged AM to a remote hut somewhere in the Elan Valley. AM looks around the stark interior...a reclined chair in white PVC...a wooden bench...cameras...various other equipment, the likes of which he has never encountered...
Bethan switches on the cameras
B : "Boss...confirm visual..."
AIB : "We have visual...proceed"
Bethan & bikergirl arm themselves with scissors and with surgical precision cut off AM's clothes (to distribute amongst the F Troopers). When the task (!) is complete, AM finds himself on the chair, with makeshift latex glove restraints...
bikergirl sits astride AM (to stop him gettin' away of course...)
bg : "I'm going to make this easy on you...first, a pedicure...good for worn-out ex-Regiment feet"
AM : "Fine by me...it's not the only thing I've worn out <wink>"
bg : "So...McBean..."
AM : "Huh?"
bg : "Yes...we know your name, Sylvester McMonkey McBean"
AM : "You know you're wrong"
bg : "OK...Jack..."
AM : "Jack?"
bg : "Jack Ryan"
AM : "You mean Chris Ryan...The One That Got Away"
bg : "One got away?...are you saying there were 2 of you on the mountain?"
AM looks towards Beth, pleading for some sense of sanity...
bg : "Toenail painting now...I have just the colour...TNT (Top Notch Tart)"
AM : "That's a shite colour...please don't use it on me...what do you want to know?"
bg : "Did SAS operatives film the moon landings?"
AM : "Yes...we tried to hush it up but it's all over the net...I was up there last week with Chris Ryan..."
bg : "Really...it's good that you 2 are talking..."
AM : "I took out 300 Moon Men...Chris tabbed to Mars"
bg : "Hmmmm...I fear your reality borders on fiction..."
AM : "In true ex-Regiment storyteller style"
bikergirl slaps a chilled eyemask on him...
(eyestrain is a real problem when constantly wearing a black box)
bg : "One more question, before I hand you over to my esteemed colleague..."
AM : "Yep..."
bg : "Why Andy Pandy?"
AM : "McNab..."
bg : "Big Mac?"
AM : "I've never had any complaints <wink>"
bg : "I'm finished with you...you're kinda cute...my voices want me to let you live..."
B : "Good work Bikergirl, but enough of the nice stuff, you are mine now McNab. Stress position one please"
bikergirl throws McNab onto a hard wooden bench, well that’s not so bad he thinks to himself.
B : "So Mr McNab, you want to play hardball. You think you’re tougher than us women do you? Where are the signed copies of Dark Winter?"
AM : "Umm yes, and won't tell you"
Bethan laughs wickedly "Shouldn't that be can't tell you and we’ll see about that" Holding a pot of freshly microwaved sticky, warm wax and several strips of roughly torn sheet.
B : "Bikergirl be a love and hold him down. There's no way he can cope with a full leg wax"
A thick coating of wax is spread on the front of his left leg.
B : "Last chance, where ar the books?"
AM : "I can’t answer that ma’am"
B : "You will!!" Pushes the material strip onto the wax and rips it off in one smooth movement.
AM : "Aaaagghh. Bikergirl stop her, that is outrageous. Don’t you know who I am? You can't wax me, I'm Andy McNab"
B : "Oh but Mr McNab you appreciate that one wax is nothing compared to the lifetime of waxing we suffer. Now if you don’t co-operate then I will have to resort to a full Brazilian!"
AM shudders, not quite sure what a full Brazilian is, but it must be painful.
B : "Now. That unibrow. We’ll get rid of that and then you can show your face in public once again"
Bethan starts plucking.
AM :"Ooooh, gerrof you cruel woman" he flaps about but bikergirl has him in a solid headlock.
B : "No I won’t get off, hold still"
AM : "No, bikergirl tell her mate"
bg : "No"
AM : "B******s. There’s only one thing for it, get off me or Nick Stone gets it in the next book"
Bethan and bikergirl gasp in horror.
B : "You would do it wouldn’t you?"
AM : "You bet"
Bethan and bikergirl look at each other, flapping big time.
B : "We have no choice, see what the boss says"
They look up at the camera
bg : "He says Nick Stone gets it..."
AIB lets out a muffled scream
AIB : "Release him, but I want him under constant surveillance. You two had better not fail me again"
bg : "Yes boss"
Bethan and bikergirl reluctantly untie a jubilant Andy.
AM : "Nah nah, now who is the one that gets away?"
He runs out of the door, making rude hand gestures as he goes.
B : "Outrageous, but it doesn’t end here Mr McNab"
Will Bikergirl and Bethan get their signed books? Will AIB have them neutralised? Is Andy McNab safe? Will Chris Ryan come back from Mars? The story continues...
This story brought to you by B.A.B.E.S.
(Bethan And Bikergirls Entertainment Services)
Available for ghostwriting to all ex-Regiment types...
>>By Bethan (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 14:22)
Are you galls on tulips...??
Well I'm jealous putting in AIB, what about me I could have done one of those anckle-turning tricks and other tortures, they are my speciality. Or BG and me could have started shaking our boobs in front of AM face, that would have made him talk, lol...
>>By borisette (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:00)
Bethan.
Bikergirl.
Acknowledge.
Sheesh! What part of constant surveillance didn't .... ?
(Noise in background: lots of talking, messageboard ringing, florkers speaking rapidly in silent tones, a bit like a frenzied chimp's tea-party...)
Wait. Wait.
I have control. I have control. (of my nerves, but just barely...)
Okay, okay, wait -- he's not got too far yet.
He's just outside your location. Bunged up.
"Seems it was just a matter of finding the world's biggest, prickliest, most anti-social bush, getting right in the middle of it, and hiding." (yep, his own words)
Oooh, must be uncomfortable tho!, cuz according to CCT, he's still starkers...
LOL!!!!!
>>By am-i-binned (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:12)
Julia
"I never said I lived in Hereford! (not too far away though!) "
It says so on your profile - of course we all are creative with the truth on our profiles... But still 'not too far away' is still closer than most of us.. Happy book shopping.
LOL Bethan!! And BG of course.. You're busy working again on a Monday ;o)
Love it, though I would like to distant myself from some of your actions... AM anywhere close and I promise you I will give him a somewhat other treatment.. ;o)
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:12)
Shhhh, Borisette!
Remember: Need to Know
Don't go revealing your secret tactical strategies, at least not here onboard! (vbw!)
>>By am-i-binned (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:18)
Hmmm...Lynn, I think you and Borisette should stand by....
I'm concerned for Bikergirl and Bethan. Like Borisette, I think we were justified in thinking that sniffing tulips manipulated brain cells, however, I'm seriously questioning the long-term effects of latex gloves, especially the nitrile variety...
>>By am-i-binned (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:27)
Oh I'm quite sure latex will have much deeper effects than tulips...
Being in control though.. can't you order B & BG to do some serious troublemaking at Transworld so it would actually make sense to contact them about an online chat :o)
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 15:35)
Oh yes the power of latex!! Now AIB stop perving at the poor man and give him back his trousers!
Next job for us bikergirl, the Transworld assault, I bet he'd love to chat to us.
>>By Bethan (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 17:01)
Re Transworld: a "direct line" assault was actuated on your behalf this very day.
Personally, I'll be b****y amazed if he drops in, but I'm putting on my running shoes just in case...
Lynn, about therapy, maybe it's time to think furry bundles...
>>By buddy (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 17:54)
Hey I've never heard of this book I see on ebay :
AM His story of life in SAS.
Or is this one the same as IA? I wonder??
>>By borisette (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 19:36)
Borisette, yeah, it's IA... (sorta makes me wonder if the seller's day job is with Transworld?) ;o)
>>By am-i-binned (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 19:51)
Buddy,
"Re Transworld: a "direct line" assault was actuated on your behalf this very day"
All the "W's" please :o)
Do I need therapy??? Ooooh I get it.. Oh, no.. no furry bundle.. Need eye to eye with the source, best way to deal with emotions.. so AM.. see you soon!! ;o)
>>By Lynn (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 21:22)
>Re Transworld: a "direct line" assault was actuated on your behalf this very day
Eeeek...I'm buying a fast(er) bike tomorrow...Beth need a lift???
I just hope he appreciates how many messages and edits and days of hard toil it took to get the interrogation posted...ssshhhh BABES at work...LOLOL
Re (p100) >Does AM live in Hereford now, do you know, does CR ?
I thought CR still lived (albeit very comfortably now...) 'near' to the Regiment HQ
So...Julia...if you also live 'near'...you must be...his wife!! LOL
Tune into the CR board in the next few days to see where CR and Bethan have a holiday home...SAS Cribs...coming soon...
>>By bikergirl (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 21:28)
Re...
>Are you galls on tulips...??
and...
>I'm seriously questioning the long-term effects of latex gloves, especially the nitrile variety...
I'm seriously questioning the effects of acrylamide meself...
>>By bikergirl (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 21:33)
Hey B.A.B.E.S....
.................. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
:))
>>By Deusrexmachina (Monday, 17 Nov 2003 21:43)
I'll second the acrylamide bg!! Now maybe you will all understand us scientists are nuts, not clever, mad, the clever bit is just one big public con!
What direct line assault was this?? Buddy spill all please. Yes bg I will jump on the back of your bike. Okay AIB kindly explained ROTFL before what the hell is MAO??? Can someone do me a list of these damn things so that I don't appear dumb. Cheers.
>>By Bethan (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 10:20)
My Ass Off
MHO - My Head Off
Of course you'll only do this once...
>>By Lynn (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 11:05)
Are you ready guys and gals?????
>>By B.A.B.E.S (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 12:25)
And impatiently waiting.. :o)
>>By Lynn (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 12:37)
Apologies if you've already seen this...but seeing as our heroes were up there the other day (allegedly)
http://www.moontruth.com/clips/moontruth.mpg
It made I larf...
>Are you ready guys and gals?????
>>By B.A.B.E.S
Yep...I'm ready...sat here waiting
Oh...I got that wrong, eh?
>>By bikergirl (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 13:31)
F Troop Control Centre
A worried AIB paces up and down, glancing at the surveillance camera following Andy McNab as he makes his escape. Half a mile down the road Bethan and bikergirl desperately try to keep up.
AIB : "This is awful. Nick Stone's life hangs in the balance and I only have those two clowns to deal with the situation. But, wait a minute..."
She leaves the control centre and runs off down the street to an unassuming looking building jam packed full of computers with one lone girl sitting in the middle of them.
AIB : "Lynn, come on, drag yourself away from your work. I need you to take the trigger from Bethan and bikergirl. They can't handle a job this large, you need to capture McNab and make him write Nick Stone back to life"
L : "You've come to the right girl AIB. Checklist: Radio. Check. Lipstick. Check. Cam Cream. Check. Suspenders <giggles>. Check. Latex gloves (!). Check."
AIB : "Obe wan Lynobe...you're our only hope"
L : "What?"
AIB : "Nevermind, wrong film"
Lynn races after Bethan and bikergirl following the satellite signal from their ex-Hunter Force survival kits. Where is Andy going? She tracks him to a small terraced house just north of Hereford. Outside Bethan and bikergirl lie-up watching for movements through their rose-tinted field glasses!
L : "Stay here, and watch a professional at work girls"
Lynn knocks the door.
L : "What? Chris Ryan? What are you doing here?"
CR : "I'm lost"
L : "Well un-lose yourself please, you are in my way"
CR : "Hold on, where are you going, and what are them girls doing in my bush?"
L : "Them girls will take all sign with them when they leave, rest assured, now move"
Lynn pushes CR to one side and runs through the house, clearing it room by room. She finds Andy slumped on a sofa wearing some fetching combat gear.
AM : "So...you found me"
L : "No you found me you lucky boy. Now we can do this my way or your way, mine would be better...I know what it is. Now...Nick Stone lives."
AM : "Weeeellll...I'll think about it"
L : "No thinking just doing!"
Lynn shrieks as she is grabbed in a headlock from behind.
AM : "Cheers mate I thought you'd got away again. What will we do with her now?"
CR : "We'd better secure her"
CR ties Lynn to the sofa using her own latex gloves - cruel.
CR : "Hand me that Remote Control Andy, I'm on the TV now, watch me get away again!"
AM : "Ugh, you're so Greed-y with that TV, you should learn how to share"
CR : "What? That insult calls for Immediate Action you wideboy, they'll be no television Liberation Day for you"
AM : "Hah, think you can take me on, give me that controller, gimme, gimme, gimme"
CR and AM wrestle on the floor both fighting for the Remote Control.
CR : "Eight, ninth, Tenth Man Down, ha ha it's still mine"
AM : "You'd better Watch Man, I'm getting really annoyed here"
CR : "You leave me Zero Option but to call in the Hot List"
AM : "Hit List surely?"
CR : "No...the girls in the bush...I realise now they're my elite hunter Hot List...trained in all manner of exotic things they learned in the Land of Fire"
L : "Andy...put up a Firewall...I'll get you out of here. His Hot List are only amateurs"
AM : "An unexpected ally..."
AM unties Lynn and they run off into the Last Light together...
CR makes his way through the Firewall to his girls...
CR : "We got ourselves a real Crsis Four here girlies. McNab's in for a Dark Winter unless we rescue him from Lynn's clutches"
Is Lynn really interested in keeping Nick Stone alive? Or does she just want to SAS (ha ha)? Will CR impress his girls with SlimFast bodyshots?
>>By B.A.B.E.S (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 14:40)
OH MY Babes... !!!!!
Told me I'd be needing tissues soon, didn't realise it was for
tears of laughter.. !!
(Oops - run out of tissues. What will I do about SAS now?)
>>By Lynn (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 15:22)
American Military Quotes
> >Incoming !
> >
> >"Aim towards the Enemy."
> >-Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket Launcher
> >
> >"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
> >- U.S. Marine Corps Training Bulletin
> >
> >"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
> >guaranteed to always hit the ground."
> >-U.S. Air Force literature.
> >
> >"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
> >- Infantryman's Journal
> >
> >"A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire
when
you
> >least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left
of
your
> >unit."
> >-Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance.
> >
> >"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
just
> >bombed."
> >-U.S. Air Force Manual
> >
> >"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantryman's
> >Journal
> >
> >"Tracers work both ways."
> >-U.S. Army Ordnance Manual
> >
> >"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
> >-Infantryman's Journal
> >
> >"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -David
> >Hackworth
> >
> >"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
> >-Infantryman's Journal
> >
> >"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
> >
> >"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
> >-Anon Naval brass
> >
> >"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
> >-Your Buddies
> >
> >"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
> >-Unknown
>
>>By Pomplemous (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 15:37)
CR : "Hold on, where are you going, and what are them girls doing in my bush?"
L : "Them girls will take all sign with them when they leave, rest assured, now move"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Think first write later wasn't it Lynn? I feel I should point out that it's not Chris Ryan's bush! Oh my. Stop there.
>>By Bethan (Tuesday, 18 Nov 2003 15:41)
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