Andy Mcnab
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Is there a way to save the chats? Couldn't seem to find a way to copy or save... :o)
>>By am-i-binned (Thursday, 11 Dec 2003 22:12)
Did testdrive too - seems pretty easy - easy enough to be anyone in there :o)
>>By Lynn (Thursday, 11 Dec 2003 23:31)
since everyone else is doing their bit of writing, i thought that i'd give it a go too..
this is the first part of a very long and true story of what our 'final war' was about...
Our squad was making good progress in spite of the deep snow, we had covered 120 k:S in
the last two days. Everyone was beginning to be on their chinstrap. The last warm meal i had was three days ago, before we set out. Since then there simply wasn't time. The weather had started off bad, and gotten worse from there. The bergens were soaked, adding a non-welcome weight on our shoulders. The only thing that made it lighter was the empty cans of water...
(flashback)
...it was supposed to be a piece of cake... a walk in the park... infil with a APC, ski the remaining 2 k's... move into the compound, steal some notebooks, and get the hell out of there... something we had practiced hundreds of times. 6 men, with firepower to hold out a small war. Suddenly our scout stopped, and we slowly got closer contact with the frozen turf.
We could hear the sound of trouble in the form of a diesel engine heading our way. The headlights made every shadow in the forest seem like the opposition, and the i was sure that everyone in a five mile radius could hear my heart beat. The UAZ jeep must have broken all laws of physics, travelling that stretch of 100 meters at 80 km/h in just over half an hour.
As we felt that things were back to normal, we hid our skis and our bergens, and checked the map. Pete and Mike went to check the road, to see if anything else was heading our way. I had problems opening up my canteen, because the cap was now frozen solid. As I shook the canteen, i could hear the slushy water making sounds. I took a handful of snow in my hands and pressed it to a compact ball, that I started sucking on slowly. Tom had accidentally looked at the headlights of the jeep, and was sure to let us know that he couldn't see anything. Everyone else might aswell been watching the sun, making us blind. There was absolutely no ambient light. The sky was clouded, and even the NV-goggles weren't helping. When your eyes are out of play, other senses tend to gradually kick in to help. It wasn't long before I heard a small sound coming from the south, where we'd come from...
>>By trident (Thursday, 11 Dec 2003 23:54)
What else to add in, Trident? There's nothing from my part to say, and perhaps what I'm writing now means nothing.
All the very best Trident! *bitter smile*
Strange Life!
>>By Deusrexmachina (Friday, 12 Dec 2003 00:18)
lots of stuff moved here: www.gnooks.com/discussion/message+archive.html
>>By mg (Sunday, 14 Dec 2003 11:17)
Ok Trident.. As an avid reader the start is great, but it's not good tease a addicted reader without a fix for 10 days know. Keep up the penmenship the future looks bright for you style.
>>By DTO (Sunday, 14 Dec 2003 15:20)
I'm not here a lot anymore, but I just want to say, loveya BABES!!!
>>By Lethe (Sunday, 14 Dec 2003 18:35)
Serious pruning, MG - where's the Xmas fairy going to perch her butt now? ;-)
Maybe B.A.B.E.S will soon have a rival team of comedian SAS antics. The male fraternity around here can tap the boards, surely...
Now wouldn't that be fun, Trident/DTO/Orty et al...
I just knew I should have written an Aladdin panto sketch instead of Dick Whit! Still, the Roo starring (Paul R) had the best bit of the action in true SAS style - grand finale went with a bang, and you know who walked out of the smoke...Thought about sending the script to the lads still in Iraq for their xmas panto sketch...
>>By buddy (Sunday, 14 Dec 2003 22:11)
Talking about Mr Andy's books, there's one (of a few) thing I don't understand, and dunno if due to wrong translation from English to Italian, or just an author's slip -not mentioning his underwear! o_O
In "Immediate Action"... ok ok, spoiler on the run!
In "IA" on ¾ of chapter 22, there were two eco walking towards Mr Andy & Mr Eno (tired of my Misters yet? :P ), and when they were close they've opened fire. The story ends there, what happened!?
This second doubt is about "Remote Control".
After Luther managed to kidnap Kelly and was driving thru the highway, (Mr?) Nick reached them and hit their car with his, but the description doesn't make much sense: Luther & company was about to turn right, and Nick from the back -going more than 70 (I think it has been translated in kilometers, otherwise it'll be too fast in miles!)- has violently jerked the wheel on his right hitting their front with the RIGHT SIDE of his car (?????). I've re-read that part many times but still can't have an imagery of it. Any ideas?
Like I said, either there's an error from the translators or Mr Andy might have mistaken left with right, or... something else.
:)
>>By Deusrexmachina (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 02:53)
Buddy, you're damn right about that BABES story -had me wetting myself (not literally). Pretty damn accurate too, except we'd be talkign about which one of the Neighbours stars would be releasing their Debut CD next (and which ones we'd love to slot)
take care, speak soon
>>By Paul R (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 05:05)
Just goes to show what an impression the old man of SAS books has stirred up here.
Nothing wrong with "slotting" a few "neighbouring" stars - double entendre aplenty - in good old AM style...
You never finished your "interrogation" number, left the page open, unwritten...That's what Borisette was cheering you on for...Seeing as the women are busy with their laundry - hence referral to Aladdin above - nows your chance boys, to shine...
I loved the B.A.B.E.S numbers, feel sure, the recent "spat" won't hold them back and the "show" will go on...
I second Deus's motion in reference to poof'd hofficer: For I know others also want to hear what ex/serving SAS/other military men have to say, especially about B20 (other), and if that means I/we learn something new about AM/CR et al, great!!!
Deus: Once the laundry is out on the line and the sweat and tears have ebbed, your plea for help IA/RC will be answered by , so sit tight...But hey, wait a minute, there are men around who've read them too...C'mon chaps, spill the juice...
>>By buddy (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 10:43)
part two of n parts of my story follows...
The sound grew into a distinctive sound of a man, and we stopped breathing... Out of the dark stumbled Mike, who had gone back and made sure our trail wasn't too visible. Their recce from the small hill gave us important information. First of all, we weren't exactly where we were supposed to be, but next to the VCP a mile from the compound. They could actually see the guard posts behind the curve. We were also told that about 300 metres away was a signals van, with 6 guys smoking away. The sky was also clearing up from the north so it meant that we could see better, but also be seen better. It was now 17.45, which meant that we had just over thirteen hours of darkness left. We were all in a good mood and checked everything again. We weren't supposed to have been here at all, but now we were. No use arguing over that. The problem was now to decide on how we were going to move from here on. Jones, our radio-op heard two clicks on the radio, and I went to check it. Pete informed us that an APC, two ZIL trucks and a jeep were heading towards the VCP. Great, we'd ended up in the middle of a rush hour.
Half an hour later, we started feeling cold, and decided to get moving. We had to be at our checkpoint by 2000 to make our first report... I took a bit of my now solid frozen chocolate bar, and pulled Pete from the lookout post. We started heading further into the woods and away from the road. After about ten minutes we turned south to get to the checkpoint. The sky had indeed started to clear up, and almost immediately the temperature dropped from a nice -10 to -25... Well atleast it wasn't wet. When we got to the scheduled point we started hailing the base to check the situation out. Everything seemed fine, and we were set to go. We still had some way to go, to get where we wanted to put our FOB, so we started moving... As we started approaching the place that we had selected on the map I knew that i would have to find a good spot, and then make a 'fox-loop'. This consists of making a loop, about 10 minutes long, to a place where you can see the 'id-zone'. I saw a good formation of rocks, and decided that this would be the 'id-zone', to which we were supposed to come holding our weapon in the left hand, walking in a crucifix position (this is how we WERE told to do it by our instructors, apparently they had been reading a certain book). A point guard would have been placed on the 'fox-loop' so that he could see the id-zone. I put Tom to take the first point-guard, and we went to check and set up comms... Nothing needed to be said, as the rest of the squad went into perimeter defence positions, and i checked them by quickly giving a thumbs up to everyone. When you've done it enough times, it should work like a swiss watch.
After checking once more that none of our orders had changed, I divided the squad into 4 teams. Three of us were going to CTR the base, and three of us were going to stay behind to keep possible contact and securing our stuff. I decided that Mike, Sandy and me were going to CTR, and Tom,Pete and Jones stayed behind... It was getting close to 2100, so we needed to get moving, if we were going to have any time to CTR.
Quick calculations made it half an hour to get there, 4 hours of recce, and half an hour back. We'd meet back at the FOB at 0200, and make up our attack from that...
part three coming up soonish...
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:13)
Rexyboy : yes now I' ve just read that page too, but the eco are women and I don't think he meant really really that they opened fire, but maybe ..I don't know something else (ya know what I mean) But then again I could be completely wrong and as I've got the italian translation too we should hear this from someone who's got the english version.
Andyway it's on page 409 chapter 22. So give us a hand here.
As for RC, I've got the book somewhere but I can't find it for the mo...
Now I've just finished C4. And I've noticed a HUGE anatomical mistake there. page 41 where Andy describes how you break the neck of a person. Now it is not the body of the first cervical bone (that would be impossible as the atlas is quite flat and hasn't got a body at all, 'cause its completely differently build from the other vertebrae) but you break the dens (or tooth) of the 2 cervical vertebrae. It just snaps off. And by breaking the head of that bone you cut transversally through the spinal cord. The same happens if you hang somebody, first you cause a compression on the vertebral arteria (so you quickly loose conscience) and then the head of the axis (2 cervical vertebrae) snaps off. This can also break during a whip lash incident with your car. So Be carefull driving.
Buddy : went yesterday evening to your chat line, quite easy to get into but unfortunately I was all on my own so couldn't chat .
Good idea to send some of the BABES script to the lads in Iraq and why not Afghanistan. But then you'll have to tell us what their reaction was.
Heard the great news yesteday about Saddam.
600 soldiers to find 1 man, wow. They used SOP too now wich ones??? Delta? with the help of SAS?? I guess we'll never know.
Well I'm off to put the laundry out, it's a sunny day.
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:46)
Good one Tridy, keep on going.
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:51)
how quickly do you want me to keep going? ready for part three yet? Have you chewn your fingernails off wondering what is going to happen....
Here, a teaser from part three, coming up shortly:
"Talk about being caught with your pants around your ankles."
"We decided that we had to take the van out, and quickly. "
...stay hungry! keep your hats on!
part three coming up later tonight!
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:02)
Hi, have paperback of IA here - think it is page 377... is this the same part - three bravo's have just left two charlies. One with long dark hair, one with a bomber jacket and one with a jean (denim) jacket they've slipped on ski masks and are headed to where Eno (November) is. He anticipates a contact and AM is making his way to assist Eno (November).
This materialises to nothing. AM is expecting to see the players approach Eno (november) and open fire as he turns into the alleyway he sees jack shit - the three bravos have turned off.
I recommend reading The Operators by James Rennie for a true insight into the training and kind of bread and butter work done by 14 Int or the dets. - I think AM sells them short. Yet there's obvious rivalry - James Rennie says he hated being out and about with SAS men in hard areas - they looked too aggressive and wore the standard bomber jacket and trainers to a man.
Funny that AM says all kinds of derogatory remarks about the det. in IA yet bases Nick Stone's past experience as a team leader of North. det - read this yesterday while browsing through Dark Winter in Waterstones - a copy signed by AM himself.
>>By Nomad (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:05)
Nomad: A classic AM was here, maybe, maybe not - Waterstones... Good marketing ploy that, or was it a "drop book" - as is the trend at the moment: leave a book (you've read) lying around, ie; park bench, on a train/bus, unusual/unexpected places etc..I think it good idea and fantastic way of passing books on for free...
Mmmm, dare I say rivalry exists in many areas (SAS), and too many authors write about things they have knowledge of but never actually participated...That's not to say AM didn't advance to the Intelligent networks, at a later date post biographical content, therefore a fictious character would, perhaps, be a very sensible creation...
I was given a copy of The Operators a couple of years back, but it's fairly much basic stuff....
Borisette, you should offer to be a medical advisor for Transworld authors, make sure they get it right next time. It's quite different to break a neck than to know how it happens, I'm surprised he's not an avid user of the silent way to kill with no weapon, merely a finger...
>>By buddy (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:26)
Talking about that rivalry issue, if you read Duncan Falconer's book (First into Action) he has a totally different perspective to anything written by an SAS author (sorry those that I have read). He makes out the SAS-Det rivalry is of SAS making and that SBS don't have the same opinion. True? Dunno. But considering some of the other parts seemed over-fantasised then he could be telling little porkies. But then he does stoke the SBS is better fire, got to make up for that somewhere.
Borisette - very observant. Remind me not to let you anywhere near my neck...
Trident - please do keep the story coming, I loved the in the middle of rush hour. Spoken like a sarcasm professional!
>>By Bethan (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:49)
here goes, part 3:
...I moved at the speed of paint drying in the knee-deep snow, trying to make as little sound as possible, and still get to a good place quickly. A couple of PA-VA's were spread close to the fence. Some i stepped over, some i cut. The PA-VA is a Light&Sound indicator that looks
like something you'd fire on new year's eve. You nail it to a tree, and pull a small wire at ankle height, so when you walk, your legs pull a pin that releases an awful sound and light show in the trees next to you. I remember on our very first bootcamp field week, we were all in foxholes for the night, and intel told us that an attack would be made during the night. Suddenly a shrieking sound and a red light could be seen right in our target area, and we saw one of our instructors, with his fly open dive into the snow... He'd been out, taking a piss and walked right into one of those suckers... Talk about being caught with your pants around your ankles.
I saw the fenceline, and stopped. The forest stopped about 8 meters short of the fence, and there were huge rocks all the way to the fence. I chuckled shortly to myself, there couldn't have been a more ideal place in which to hide for a couple of hours. Boulders up to 3 meters high, and many smaller, all covered in fresh white snow, and me, covered from head to toe in white winter camouflage. We'd all strapped white tape onto our rifles, so they were also white. I found a good spot and took out my NV goggles and a notebook. I could see people walking around, inside the compound. Guardposts weren't fiendishly hard to find, as I'd expected, mostly due to cigarettes lighting up in the NV's. Smoking can kill you even in that sense. I was close enough to hear some talking, and even found out the passphrase. Into the notebook I sketched a quick draft of how the area looked, that i was going to enhance with details as i got them, and then an even better version to give to HQ once the mission was over. As squad leader, I also had to put everyone elses recce info into the sketch too. After about 45 minutes, I decided to relocate, and find another spot, so I crawled back out slowly, right into one of those goddarn PA-VAs. Luckily it was one that i dismantled on my way there, or satan and his uncle would have been there to penetrate me. I got to another good location, and I saw movement, and vehicles that I noted into the book. The problem of entering the compound was still the biggest problem, as the we didn't
really feel like climbing over the fence and letting the deaf in on our surprise. A couple of ideas popped to my mind of what to do, but they really didn't seem like good ones. In a real situation we'd probably just have cut a hole in the fence, but I had a feeling that 'the Firm' (nickname for the finnish defence forces) wouldn't have appreciated it a whole lot, and that I'd still be paying for it.
At 0100 I decided to get back to the others, a bit earlier than i should have, but because I'd have to start figuring out what to do next.
I got back to the FOB via the id-zone and the fox-loop and got offered a warm cup of coffee. We had strict light and noise discipline, but I knew that the guys wouldn't have started a bonfire, but kept it sensible. Jones came with a most delightful surprise. He'd gotten word from HQ, that they had intercepted a food delivery truck, and that we might get a sneaky lift from them to get inside the base. We decided to keep the option open, in case no one else figured out a way to get into the base. Sandy had a small portable text transmitter/receiver with him, so I sent him a message to go check out if there was anything in the path from the FOB to the road, where the truck would passing. Mike appeared at 02.01 and started filling me in with what he had seen and heard. It seems I wasn't the only one who had heard the passphrase, so I couldn't give myself credit for being better than the other ones. Mike told me of a hole in the fence, but he didn't consider it to be more than a bad Plan B. The hole in itself wasn't really big enough and it was right next to a foxhole with 2 machineguns, and a carpark with mechanics repairing trucks. The idea of the flatbed truck was beginning to interest me more and more.
I asked Jones to get in touch with HQ to get a timeframe of when the truck would pass by, just as Sandy appeared and told his story. He'd recced the road and had seen a pinetree branch clumsily left on the road. This immediately attracted his attention, and he started searching the treeline. As it happened a wire was crossing the road some 6 meters in the air, suspended from two pines. On one side of the road there was a camouflaged signals van, with a basic crew of 4 persons. He'd found the cable on the other side of the road which lead to the base. The signals van was going to be a bit of a problem if we were going to take the truck, which now seemed like the best option. Even the beeperboys would grow suspicious if a truck stopped just short of them, and 6 guys jumped in, and continued. We got word that the truck was scheduled to be at the gate at 04.00, the darkest time for anyone on stag, also known as the reaper-shift. Not enough time to go back to sleep after that, so you've lost 3 good hours of valuable sleep time. We were now set on taking the truck, so we messaged HQ to stop at a certain place when they came. It was now 0230, and we had just an hour of time. We decided that we had to take the van out, and quickly.
Part four coming up in an hour or two, i'm already starting chapter 6
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 17:23)
Trident are you sure this is you writting, .... there wouldn't be someone sitting next to you saying:
" type this, type that" holding a diet coke in one hand and the other hand inside a bag of chips, scrunching away with his mouth and every now and then having pieces of chips falling on his trousers.
Buddy, could be a good idea, how much would they pay me (talking of Transworld), 'could be interested.
Plus to whoever knows this, it's been all day that I've got these 2 stupid words in my head and can't remember what programme they were from :
BLANKETY BLANK.
Someone please help me out here!!Bethan dearie, don't worry I know how to unblock the cervical spine going from the 1 vertebrae to number 7. And I'm quite good at it, no let me correct my self here.... I am good at it. And for the whole F-Troop I'll give free treatments for X-mas only, now isn't that a good bargain.
Started reading DW yesterday evening, got only to page 2, fell asleep! OOps!
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 20:41)
Right I'm off. Have to prepare dinner.
Guess what's on the menu: S*******i
and not with meat-sauce. Haa!
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 20:44)
i think i would notice someone fitting that description borisette. feel free to come here and visit if you want.
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 20:51)
i finished writing the story, it consists of 8 chapters now.
the story is entitled: The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday,
and chapters 1-3 have also been named.
1. Briefing
2. Infil
3. CTR and Planning
I'll post chapter four, right after this. Hope you've enjoyed the ride so far.
>>By trident (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 01:34)
4. The Mission
We went off the air, and informed that we'd be making our next check-in at 0800 to get exfil instructions. We got to a place where we could see the signals van from, a NASU trackvehicle, with aerials sticking up from it. We couldn't just do a kamikaze attack on it, because there were four guys at least in there, and they were defending. A normal ratio between attack and defence is 3 to 1 to be able to make it. We were only six, and we weren't about to lose even one at this stage. So we played it sneaky, just how we like to do it. Sandy, who knew the location of the cable went there and stuck a small needle through the cable, instantly causing a shortcut. The rest of us hid in a way to ambush any repairman they'd send. Cutting the cable isn't really as practical or as much fun, since you can pretty easily work your way around it, with another cable, just bridging the gap in the line. Sticking a needle through it, and cutting it off at the ends, preferably in advance, to have with you is much more fun. Especially in the winter, since anyone walking along the line, passing it through the hands would wear gloves. A right size needle passes through inspection in 99% of the cases, and no breach in the line can be seen. A whole new cable has to be installed, causing costly and time consuming repairs. Sure enough, after 5 minutes we could hear the not so stealthy beeperboy heading our way. He proved to be little problem and was tied and shut up faster than you could say 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'. We decided to wait for a while longer, to see if anyone else was coming. Time passed by, and we were getting short on time. After half an hour we were getting ready to leave the signallist and taking out the three in the van, when we heard shouting. Two beepers were calling out for the one
gagged and sitting next to us. Thinking he was lost, or had encountered problems they went out and started to search for him. We had moved a bit closer to the van, so they wouldn't see signs of struggle on the ground. When they got to us, we gave them the good noose =), and left them tied up aswell. They were all in winter clothes and they could well use a night out. One man remained in the van, and we just nicely knocked on the door and 'slotted' him with a pistol. We left a nice pile of PE and a timer set to go off at 0900 as a souvenir and a message saying where the remaining three could be found.
The truck arrived at 0340 and 5 of us jumped to the back of the truck, and hid beneath piles of food and firewood. Pete, who was our main navigator went up to sit with the driver, and get an overview of the surroundings. At 04.00 we got to the gates and they checked the documents, and came around to the back. They quickly swooped the back with a flashlight and we got moving. We were now inside the lion's den. The driver stopped suddenly and we thought that our magnificent plan had backfired. The driver asked for instructions on how to get to the main cavern, deep inside the base. Driving around the compound i peeked out from the back of the truck and described to Tom what I was seeing, so that he could put it down into his notebook. The driver backed the truck up to the entrance, where two armed guard were supposed to be standing. None was to be seen. I just thought 'what the heck, let's do this', so we jumped out of the truck and headed deep into the cave. We split up into pairs and stormed in. After a while, we saw a door marking the C-I-C's office. We kicked the door in, and the C-I-C's face flushed. I have never seen such a look of disgust when we told him how we got there. We 'shot' him and took the papers. The other pairs had also tested their close range pistol skills by popping of 2 captains, 1 major and a colonel. The truck was still parked at the same place when we got out. It was now our drivers turn to surprise us. He told us that instead of food and firewood, there was 800kgs of PE in the truck, and that it was booby-trapped to go off by turning the key in the ignition. Sure enough, instead of chocolate bars, symbolic pieces of explosives and shrapnel was the real contents of the truck. We were still inside the compound and nowhere close of being safe, and now our escape vehicle had been turned into a bomb. We'd have to figure something out and quick. A new vehicle hijack seemed to unreal, so we checked our notebooks, and my sketch of the place and tried to figure out the best way of getting the heck out of here. As far as we could tell, the only plausible place we could get out from was through a small lake that was right next to the cave. The lake was used to train in quite often, so even though it had been a cold winter, and the sea had frozen a couple of weeks earlier, the lake had big cracks and holes in the ice. I broke the news to the squad that there was going to be a swimming exercise, and i could hear muttering sounds about our top brass that didn't include us on the loop that we only had a one-way ticket with the truck. The good news was that the driver would exfil with us, into the water.
Tomorrow, chapters 5 and 6
>>By trident (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 01:37)
>>By buddy (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 10:43)
Deus: Once the laundry is out on the line and the sweat and tears have ebbed, your plea for help IA/RC will be answered by , so sit tight...But hey, wait a minute, there are men around who've read them too...C'mon chaps, spill the juice...
Already had the juice spilled from at least one garl via Flork, a coupla hours after posting. FTroops are fast indeed. ;)
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:46)
Rexyboy : yes now I' ve just read that page too, but the eco are women and I don't think he meant really really that they opened fire, but maybe ..I don't know something else (ya know what I mean) [ ... ]
Psssssst, Borisette... I dunno what you mean! o_O Sorry, decifer again the message! :D
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:13)
[ ... ] walking in a crucifix position (this is how we WERE told to do it by our instructors, apparently they had been reading a certain book). [ ... ]
LOL x2! :))
>>By Nomad (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:05)
[ ... ]think it is page 377... is this the same part - three bravo's have just left two charlies. One with long dark hair, one with a bomber jacket and one with a jean (denim) jacket they've slipped on ski masks and are headed to where Eno (November) is. He anticipates a contact and AM is making his way to assist Eno (November). [ ... ]
Nope, what I'm asking about comes straight after this episode! :)
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 16:02)
"Talk about being caught with your pants around your ankles."
HAhahahahaha!! Go for it Trident! You're great too, absolutely! :D
>>By borisette (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 20:44)
Guess what's on the menu: S*******i
... it's not Sushi, right?...
>>By Deusrexmachina (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 01:46)
Some curiosities.
I've bought some months ago the DVD "Airplane", a crazy-sensless kind of film, one of the bricks that lead to further films like "The naked gun" + 1½ + 2¼ etc. etc.
I think Mr Andy learned from this film the expression:
If the shit hits the fan...
(yeah I know, spoilers will rule the world one day!)
since at almost the end, one actor said it... with the difference that they DID throw it!
O_o
Any other ideas or... simply something else to say? :)
>>By Deusrexmachina (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 02:58)
Keep up the good work Deus: Them there garls from F-Troop only florked in?
They'll be back on board soon, the suspense of being incognito is killing them, I just heard they're getting their kit together and have picked up a few extra supplies of plastic...You're just not publicly shouting HELP loud enough!!!
Come on girls, don't be shy, the Men are being perfect gentlemen, giving the ladies their playing field back for ball-bashing games...
I've also got a few humorous snipits from literary sources etc: will collate and post later. Quite enlightening - what other writers/journalists/columnists think about their fellow wo/men
>>By buddy (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 12:16)
Trident, re Deus' post:
>>By trident (Monday, 15 Dec 2003 13:13)
[ ... ] walking in a crucifix position (this is how we WERE told to do it by our instructors, apparently they had been reading a certain book). [ ... ]
LAM, <laugh a minute> was that wearing tu-tu's as in Swan Lake (ballet) Got that in my minds eye, now, hairy chests 'n' all...
>>By buddy (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 12:22)
Chris Ryan and Borisette have been 'driving' each other around for several days now. We catch up with them as CR is at the wheel of Borisette's Italian Stallion. He's feeling guilty about leaving his girls behind.
CR : "It's no good babe. I've gotta go back for me other girls...they've been with me since the start"
Borisette starts looking sulky.
CR : "We need to swap this thing for summat with a bit more room in the back..."
Borisette starts smiling again.
Driving past a garage, CR spots just the thing and a few minutes later they are driving off in a 4 X 4 Merc...
CR : "This is more like it...I know me way round this baby. Automatic with cruise control...I can keep me hands free...for other business" <wink>
Borisette is grinning now...
CR : "Let's go get the B.A.B.E.S and head back to F Troop HQ for the party..."
Boris : "OK...but you have to put on the gold hotpants before you get there..."
CR : "Sure thing, pet"
We also left Stan and Lynn closing in on Andy McNab...
S : "Come on dal, I've tracked him down, it's definitely Andy. No idea who he's pulled though. It's male so he can't be wanting to marry it at least. Strange though, never thought he was the mincing type. Righto, down your drink, we're leaving"
L : "I like my eggs sunnyside up" <grins seducingly at Stan>
S : "What? I'm not trying to pull you anymore, there's work to be done. Lynn...there is a time and a place.."
L : "Sorry"
AM and Paul R sit by their fire, totally unaware that somebody is tracking them...
PR : "Right, mate. Here's some gold hotpants for ya. Obligatory for the F Troop bash"
AM : "Outrageous! I'm not wearing them. Besides. they might not be big enough for me"
PR : "One size fits all, bikergirl said. It's orders mate...gotta go commando"
Andy disappears behind a bush to get changed...
PR : "Righto mate, let's have a sing-song to get us in the party mood"
AM : "I know, I know. Ummm...let's sing Down in the Tube Station at Midnight"
PR : "It has to be Rolfie, Andy"
AM : "Damn it. Then I choose Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport. Ready? One, two three" <Andy slapping his thigh to get the beat going>
They both sing
"Watch me wallaby's feed, mate, watch me wallaby's feed. They're a dangerous breed, mate, so watch me wallaby's feed. All together now! Tie me kangaroo down, sport, Tie me kangaroo down. Tie me kangaroo down, sport, Tie me kangaroo down."
AM : "Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse!"
S : "Hold it right there McNab! You took the piss no end over my Rolf Harris collection and now you think it's cool with your new Aussie friend. I'm an Aussie too mate"
L : "Yeah, you tell him Stanley"
S : "It's Stan, not Stanley"
AM : "Stan? Is it you? Thank God for that. It's okay mate, Stan's here to save me, I mean give me a lift"
S : "That's right Andy, the escort's out back (!), it's okay I'm here now"
PR : "Bonza mate. See ya around, I'll be here singing by myself."
Stan and Lynn lead a very relieved Andy back to the escort. As he sits in the back humming Rolf Harris, Andy is very unaware of Stan and the chloroform filled latex glove. Stan clamps the glove over Andy's face, who struggles briefly before slumping on the back seat. OH MY GOD! Andy is unconscious.
L : "Well done my little soldier boy. Now, to F Troop Headquarters. We're rich men now, babe"
S : "Rich men? Bugger, did I try and pull a man? What is wrong with me? I could have sworn you were female"
L : "Figure of speech, I'm all woman baby."
Andy starts snoring loudly...
L : "No wonder women keep leaving him if he snores like that. Stan do something please"
Stan and Lynn drive off in the escort, Andy unconscious in the back of the car. Stan singing loudly to drown out the snores.
>>By B.A.B.E.S (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 12:29)
Hey BABES , CR is really getting on my nerves with this "babe" thing, I can't stand him calling me like that. And he always wants control of everything,...
Can we swap?
>>By borisette (Tuesday, 16 Dec 2003 13:10)
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